Well, I took me a woman late last night
I's three-fourths drunk, she looked alright
'Til started peelin' off her onion-gook
She took off her wig, an' said, "How do I look?"I was high-flyin'
Bare-naked
Out the windowWell, sometimes I might get drunk
Walk like a duck and smell like a skunk
Don't hurt me none, it don't hurt my pride
'Cause I got my little lady right by my sideShe's-a tryin' to hide
Pretendin' she don't know me
I's out there paintin' on the old woodshed
When a can of black paint it fell on my head
I went down to scrub and rub
But I had to sit in back of the tubCost a quarter
Half-priceWell, my telephone rang, it would not stop
It's President Kennedy callin' me up
He said, "My friend, Bob, what do we need to make the country grow?"
I said, "My friend, John, Brigitte BardotAnita Ekberg
Sophia Loren."
Country'll growWell, I got a woman four feet short
She yells and hollers and screams and snorts
She tickles my nose pats me on the head
Rolls me over and kicks me outta bed
She's a man-eater
Meat-grinder
Bad loserOh, there ain't no use in me workin' all the time
I got a woman who works herself blind
Works up to her britches, up to her neck
Writes me letters and sends me checksShe's a humdinger
Folk singerLate one day in the middle of the week
Eyes were closed, I was half asleep
I chased me a woman up the hill
Right in the middle of an air raid drillI jumped the fallout shelter
I jumped the string-bean
I jumped the TV dinner
I jumped the shotgunNow, the man on the stand, he wants my vote
He's a-runnin' for office on a ballot note
He's out there preachin' in front of the steeple
Tellin' me he loves all kinds of peopleHe's eatin' bagels
He's eatin' pizza
He's eatin' chitlinsOh, I set me down on the television floor
I flipped the channel on to number four
Out of the shower comes a football man
With a bottle of oil in his handGreasy kid stuff
But what I want to know, Mr. Football Man
Is what do you do about Willy Mays?
Martin Luther King, Oula Tunjee?Well, the funniest woman I ever seen
Was the great-granddaughter of Mr. Clean
She takes about fifteen baths a day
Wants me to grow a mustache on my face, she's insaneWell, ya ask me why I'm drunk all the time
It levels my head and eases my mind
I just walk along and stroll and sing
I'll see better days and I'll do better thingsI'll catch dinosaurs
Make love to Elizabeth Taylor
Catch hell from Richard Burton
Song Discussions is protected by U.S. Patent 9401941. Other patents pending.
