Epic Rap Battles of History!
Moses
Versus!
Santa Claus
Begin.Sweet robes, Obi.
Wan-too-many days in the sun?
Stop preaching homie,
teach your flock to covet some fun!
I bring joy every year,
man I represent cheer
you represent sandals and a scraggly beard!
I'm from the North Pole!
That's why my rhymes are so cold!
I spit diamonds but
I'm serving up some fresh coal.
You been a naughty boy
you brought a plague of frogs!
You best arrest yourself,
you broke your own law!
Or was there something in rule six
I didn't understand?
My list says 'killed Egyptian dude,
buried him in sand.'
I read your book
You got a strict religion
NO BACON!?
But mandatory circumcision?
I'm a jolly bowl of jelly
giving holiday presents
but all the chosen people
ever get for Christmas is jealous.
When I was high upon the mountain
God revealed the truths of the Earth
but he never mentioned a fat ass Papa Smurf
It takes nine reindeers to haul your fat ass
You took the Christ outta Christmas
and just added more mass
You need to stop breaking
into houses and creeping and peeping
on naughty kids while they sleeping
and keep your hands off my stocking
Don't you ho-ho me
I'll split your ass in half
like I did the Red Sea
You ain't a saint you a slaver
like a Pharaoh in the snow
stop with the unpaid labor
and let my little people go
We ain't slaves!
all that sand turned your brains to mush!
I think you need to stop smoking all that burning bush.
Yeah we're magical workers man!
We hang with reindeers.
Yo, here's a GPS
who gets lost for forty years?
You're a glorified secretary so write this down
Begat deez nutz
Santa Claus is coming to town.So much drama in the Israe-L B.C.
It's kinda hard talking directly
to the G-O single D!
Hand me my chisel
I got a new commandizzle for y'all
Thou shalt not let children sit
on a grown man's nap at the mall
I'll beat you ten times
before the bread can rise, you dummy
and walk off into the land of my milk and honeys.Who won? Who's next?
You decide!
EEEEEEE-E-E-E-E-E-E
E-pic Rap Bat-tles of Hi-sto-ry.
